you saw me stumble and reached out,
gave me strength and helped out
i went to pieces but you kept ‘em all,
waiting for me to emerge once i shatter down this numb wall
you gave me hope to mend my broken self,
that i do it for me and not for anyone else
you make me wanna be a better person,
but then you insist i rather be just me
when i feel hopeless or desperate again,
you make me believe and give me faith
you tell me to find courage and that you will be there,
to share my joys and hold me when i face despair
for you don’t want to fight my battles for me,
coz you want me to be strong and fight on my own
you ensured i find the silver lining i somehow lost,
and kindled my heart’s fire so i can move on and thaw the frost…
you challenge me and make me grow,
and inspire me to be brave and face my woe
words or expressions might not compense,
but yes, i have a friend in the word’s true sense…
the choices made…
trying to break surface and come out breathing again, to let go of the bitter memories and the feelings of helplessness, the stupid mistakes, the prejudices, to stop closeting myself in and hiding away from life, endeavoring to expand my mind and heart, taking chances and reaching out…i need my courage, my faith to make it happen and the first thing I’m going to do is to stop fighting and blaming myself or those who are close to me…enough, I’m tired of it all…its time to forgive and move on so that I will have something more consequential to ponder about than past hurts and the way I let others down or how they did the same…
I was once a happy and carefree person but somehow, I lost it all, the hope and cheerfulness, laughing freely at the most inconsequential of things, to become this cynical and jaded shell of a person…the thing that frightened me the most was the acceptance of others to this change, as if they knew that everyone’s bound to lose that idealism, that naivete and realize how things work in the real world and the sooner i learnt that, the better it was… i learnt the ways of the world but undid everything that i was before…my self preservation kicked in and made me realize where i was heading so I finally stopped myself from going down that road…now others jeer and condemn my vulnerability as a lack of inner strength, for being too soft and not knowing how to toughen it out…i wonder if its worth to lose yourself but keep the pretense up to avoid being judged, mocked and hurt…I tried that for a while and realized that I’ll rather they see me in pieces now than going with that dead and cold facade for years simply coz its not me, its not how i was built,I want to live freely and happily and not bother with pretenses anymore… I’m broken yes, but realizing and accepting that has now become the first step of my healing, on doing it all over again but better… I’ll pull myself together and carve out the life i want, the one I truly care about… at least now i know that I’m strong enough to let others see my vulnerabilities and still rise again stronger and better not despite them but because of them…
The choices made can’t be undone so its time to let them be…make a new choice, discuss it, weigh it, seek help, reach out and take risks…the world might not seem that bleak and gray this time around,i hope…
a wandering soul…
something seems amiss, i have a job, a good home, good food and yet that feeling keeps nagging me, telling me to let go of the things that i find so necessary that i don’t dare to find myself or take a chance…my soul is out there somewhere urging me not to be afraid, that the plunge i’ll take will ultimately become the flight that i wanted for so long, my sad wandering soul, waiting patiently for me to hear it out but i seem to be too caught up in trivial cares-paying no thought to it but just feeling the dissatisfaction growing day by day…i’m sad and i know it…but now solitude is what i seek, the time alone, silence is what i crave and my wandering soul wonders when i’ll finally have the courage to answer its call…
the passion of being…
nobody can teach you the passion of being.You can be taught how, when, where to do things but finding a passion in them, creating your own niche, negating your weak points, no one will or can teach you this. This is the life journey you have to take on your own-without fear. Only then, you’ll find yourself- a unique being in the midst of a busy busy world. One step at a time…
i write…
i write…not to discuss the burning issues of the day or the astounding wonders around me…i write coz it seems that there has to be a reason why i’m here in the midst of it all…even when i don’t see it right now…it ain’t an accident…there’s gotta be a reason…some kind of plan…but should i wait till my turn comes or simply go out and tackle life by its horns…no longer a passive being…so many thoughts haunt me and i can’t seem to put them away…so i write and i write…
the chaos…
i wonder sometimes what my heart seeks…i envy people who find their calling so early in life and then pursue it with a vengeance.For me, i’m still looking…a lot excites me but that all-consuming passion or a purpose in life for something still eludes me…so i seek n seek..wandering through the chaos…the hopes crumbling as the years go by…
let’s get a hang of this…
a restless spirit, fighting the sadness that enveloped me for so long…putting my thoughts out here feels scary,stifling, like an intrusion of my personal space but i find a sense of liberation in it too,the freedom of finally letting go and moving on, i want to heal and become better…so here i am…be kind.
